Mommy Trauma

Sometimes I just have to unload. I hope I don't bore anyone.

Vaughn is at the stage where he does NOT want to stay with me when we go places. He used to very sweetly hold my hand and let me lead him, but he's on the move lately. Yesterday I went to the grocery store to pick up some quick things. I held Vaughn and Reina walked, we didn't get a cart becuase I didn't need very much. Well, of course I ended up getting more than I expected, and held Vaughn in one arm and a basket of groceries in the other and persuded Reina to follow us the whole time. The whole trip took about 15 minutes, but by the end I was so exhauseted from holding a squirming Vaughn (or chasing a running Vaughn if he got too squirmy in my arms), and balancing grocieries, and keeping a non-stop flow of conversation with Reina (which goes something like, "no, you can't have popsicles" "please follow me" "put the fruit snacks back," "no, we're not buying more yogurt").

As we left the store I put Vaughn down and let him walk holding my hand. It worked okay until we got to the car. We were parked right in front of the grocery store so the walk is not long. I let go of the kids, put the grocieris in the front seat, and Vaughn was off like a shot running down the sidewalk in front of the cars. I yelled at Reina to stay right by the car, the phone rang, and as I answered it I took off after Vaughn before he could reach the street.

With Vaughn hanging on one arm, and talking to Ben on the phone, I heard someone say, "where's your mom little girl?" I was only two or three cars away (ya, Vaughn had gotten about 15 cars away). I yelled at Reina to stay by the car, as she was standing between our car and the car beside us waiting for us. The man noticed me and gave me this horrible look and then swore at me. Not really at me, more to himself, but loud enough for me to hear. He was very displeased with me. It was embarrasing and frustrating and even maddening. I got the kids buckled in, myself in the car, and I started bawling. I was upset at him and upset at myself that I let Vaughn get away, and that I left Reina alone. And I was scared that maybe that man was right, that I was being irresponsible. I never know what might happen. What if something happened to one child while I was chasing the other? I was scared and angry and I felt beat up.

I am just reminded how difficult it is to be a mom and how important it is to withold judgement. I have no idea what others are going through, and I know that man with his small bag of groceries, nice car, and expensive clothes, had no idea what I was going through and had just gone through. But he couldn't help expressing my shortcomings so vocally and rudely. I hate experiences like these, but at the same time they are always teaching me to be better to others. Moral? Don't judge moms, they're probably doing the best they can.